Found and Lost
by Child of Mars
Summary: At the end of the Universe, on a dying planet, surrounded by cannibals, Martha Jones borrows a very special fobwatch from Professor Yana...


**Found and Lost**

"I don't understand half the things he's saying!" Martha exclaimed to Chan-Tho, her attitude a mixture of amusement and exasperation. She turned to look at the only other person in the room, Professor Yana.

Her smile quickly faded when she saw the Professor looking at the ground, hunched, almost…_laboring_ under some great, invisible burden, as if a thousand ages was crushing his human soul. His face looked so sad and confused that her heart went out to him. "What's wrong?" She asked quickly, going towards him.

"Chan, professor, what is it, Tho?" Chan-Tho cried as her friend of many years shook his head, as if trying to clear it of so many foggy memories.

"This time travel!" He exclaimed. Chan-Tho and Martha glanced at each other, wondering why such an idea affected him so. "They say there was time travel back in the old days." He shook his head again, tears from an unknown pain watering his eyes as he scolded himself. "I never believed…but what would I know? Stupid old man."

Martha smiled sadly yet proudly at this 'stupid old man' who had given the better part of his life in a hopeless quest to save his people from the end of the universe. She wanted to say something to comfort him, to get rid of this unreasonable guilt, but his words enthralled her.

"Never could keep time. Always late, always lost." He looked so tired. "Even this thing never worked!" He pulled a fob watch out of his pocket and held it up, almost as if it was the condemning part of his self-criticism.

Martha felt her eyes widen at the sight of the giant, golden fob watch.

_Martha, this watch is me. I'm gonna become human._

"Time and time and time again…always running out on me." Yana spoke more to himself than the others, drifting off into a world he was trying to make sense of.

"Can I have a look at that?" Martha couldn't help but ask, stepping forward eagerly.

"Oh, it's only an old relic. Like me." He laughed. Martha was too engrossed to appreciate his humor. Her mind raced with the implications. Another fob watch, another Chameleon thing. Maybe…another Timelord. "Where did you get it?"

"Hmm?" Yana's brow furrowed, as if he had just recalled something odd for the first time, though he had known it all the while. "I was found with it."

"What do you mean?"

"An orphan in the storm…I was a…naked child, found on the coast of the Silver Devastation. Abandoned…" He looked down again at this suddenly important, suddenly strange watch. "With only this."

"Have you ever opened it?"

"Why would I? It's broken." At least, so he had always believed.

"How do you know it's broken if you've never opened it?" Martha questioned, looking again into Yana's face daringly.

"It's stuck!" Yana dug his fingers into it as if for emphasis. "It's old. It's not meant to be." Now Professor Yana knew he was making excuses. He decided to tell the truth, the truth he had not even told himself for so long, who knows why. "I don't know."

Martha reached forward trembling fingers and turned the watch around in Yana's unresisting hand. Her heart made a huge leap up her throat as she saw it: the circular writing. A small gasp escaped her throat. All his past befuddlement forgotten, Yana stared piercingly at her. "Does it matter?"

"No…well, maybe." Martha took a deep breath. "You see…my friend the Doctor…he collects watches like this. May I take it and show it to him? I promise I'll return it."

Yana opened his mouth and froze for a split second. There was no reason why he shouldn't let her, especially after all the help she had given him. But then again, something in his mind, deep and dark and disturbing, said _No. Don't give it away_.

But there was no reason why not. There was absolutely no reason why not, except for that nameless dread. So Yana unclipped the chain, almost in slow motion. Hesitantly, he held it out for her, watched her fingers take it from his, watch her smile and say a thank you he couldn't hear.

He watched her walk out the door, feeling strangely bereft and abandoned.

DWDWDW

Martha panted, racing down into the control room near the rocket base. Even as she skidded to a halt at the sight of the long brown coat, the Doctor wheeled on her. "Ah! Nearly there. The footprint? It's a gravity pulse. It stamps down, the rocket shoots up. Bit primitive, but it'll take the both of us to keep it stable." His attention seemed to be immediately distracted by a beeping from the other control panel and he flew to it, typing switches.

Martha ran past him and slammed the offending beeper, making it go quiet. She turned to the Timelord as he flicked switches furiously. "Doctor, it's the Professor. He's got this watch. He's got a fob watch. It's the same as yours." That got his attention. "Same writing on it! Same…" His intense, burning eyes, with the flare of wonder and hope and dread that bloomed there left her breathless a moment, but she ended, "Everything."

"Don't be ridiculous." His voice was low and breathy, and dangerous. But Martha was unafraid: she told the truth. She took the watch out, and held it to him.

He stared.

For a minute Martha was afraid he would run, or hit the watch from her hand. But he didn't. His long, sensitive fingers took it out of her limp grasp, hearing the mutterings and whispers that reveled beneath its lid; he held it close to his face, breathing mist on its shiny surface. A well-known ache of loneliness ravaged his hearts with the thought of being cured, and he said one word.

"Who?"

DWDWDW

Yana caught Chan-Tho as the structure they were in rattled to its very foundations. The force from the rocket as it burst through the frozen atmosphere drove both him and Chan-Tho into the ground. Embarrassed, Chan-Tho quickly got up and pulled the laughing Professor to his feet. She smiled, relieved to see him so happy for what seemed so long. He pulled her into an ecstatic embrace before racing around the controls. "He did it, Chan-Tho! They're going to Utopia!" He whooped, pulling hard on a lever that turned off the preliminary controls.

At that moment, the Doctor, Jack, and Martha raced in, all of them breathing hard. The Doctor came right up to Professor Yana, staring intently at him. Yana did not notice in his joy. He grabbed the Doctor's upper arm and squeezed it. "You did it, Doctor! You've saved them! My dream…it's come true." He laughed.

"Professor…Professor Yana…" The Doctor choked out.

Yana halted and looked at him, suddenly noticing something was wrong. "Yes? What's wrong?"

Martha closed her eyes and listened, listened for those life-stopping words the Doctor would say next. She felt Jack's hand on her shoulder. But to her surprise, she heard, "Let's get in the T.A.R.D.I.S., ey? Time for Utopia."

DWDWDW

Yana and Chan-Tho stood together on one side of the Console, eye wide, unable to get enough of the light, the warmth, the amazing transcendental quality of this ship. More than once, Yana's brow furrowed and a hand reached down to touch…but he quickly mastered himself and stopped. The Doctor watched his every movement like a hawk.

"Chan, such an amazing ship, Tho." Chan-Tho complimented. But her friendly smile evaporated, as no one seemed to hear. Martha noticed. She took Chan-Tho's hand. "Common, there's much more to see than this." They left, their high voices echoing.

Jack glanced from the Doctor to Yana, searchingly. He fought against his curiosity, and quickly followed Martha and Chan-Tho out the door.

Yana noticed they were alone. He looked up from the Console and across the lights at the Doctor. He nearly jumped as he realized those burning eyes were riveted to his. He collected himself. "Doctor, this ship…brilliant. It's wonderful. And it travels through time and space?"

The Doctor nodded.

"Well," Yana took a disk out of his pocket and handed it to the silent Doctor with a friendly smile. "You'll want the coordinates for Utopia, I shouldn't wonder."

The Doctor shoved the disk deep into a slot receiver. Slowly, the Console began to go up and down, up and down. "Professor Yana." The first words the Doctor had spoken since they had entered the T.A.R.D.I.S..

"Hmm?" Yana met his gaze again. The Doctor looked at those eyes, those warm blue eyes, framed by a kind, _human_ face. Those eyes were windows to an exceptionally brilliant mind, of a Timelord. But who was it? Not the Rani, not Susan, not his mother, nor any other Timelady. Was he Borusa? Rassilon himself? So many Timelords to choose from. But if he was the wrong one…if he was…

"What do you know of Cosmic Science?"

"What?" Yana's face wrinkled in perplexity.

"Cosmic Science. Third subject, second through twentieth levels, school whiz…remember?"

Yana stared at him, but something kindled behind his eyes. He sat down slowly on the chair. "School whiz." He said slowly to himself.

"Prydonian…Oakdown?"

Yana repeated the words, slowly and in an almost whisper. He knew those words, from somewhere, somehow. But he was sure he had never heard them in his lifetime until now.

The Doctor saw the changes in his face, and put forth one more question, one more. "River, Torvic…Theta?"

Yana jumped up as if a pin had been stuck into him. He opened his mouth and pointed at the Doctor urgently, his words being forced out… "I-I was drowning! And he threw a rock…in a dream…I…" The bright intelligence that had suddenly swirled fiercely in his eyes died down, fading again into quiet blue. "I thought…Doctor…what are you trying to tell me?" He suddenly ended with a snap, so angry and confused. He sat down again and pressed his knuckles against his forehead.

"It would be you." The Doctor said quietly, his voice sounding strangely thick, almost sobbing. "Of them all, it would be you." He clenched his hands tightly for a moment, and then wheeled on the Professor, eyes clear. "I can't…I can't bring you back, just to see you…to make it all begin again. I would be more alone than now, knowing you were alive, but not my friend. Having to fight the last one…it's not fair." He ended lamely, moisture beading his eyes.

Yana looked up at him. "I have no idea what you're talking about." His voice was thick as well, almost as if with pain. "Where's my watch?"

"I can't give it to you."

Yana jumped up yet again, taking a few threatening steps forward. "What do you mean, can't give it to me? It's my property!"

"Yeah, but you don't understand! It's got memories of you…Yana, did you ever dream of a man? A villain? A murderer? Did you?"

Yana's eyes widened as he remembered the nightmares of his life. "Yes." With sudden recognition.

"If I give you back the watch, you could become him."

Yana went numb, trying to reconcile his thoughts with this. But he knew, somehow, that the Doctor wasn't lying. He put a hand to his eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. No watch. He had owned it for ages, and never noticed it. He had never noticed it, but he possessed it as if it held his heart. And now he learned it could turn him into the monster that prowled his dreams.

But then he remembered Chan-Tho, and Utopia, and the human race. Even if they got there, there would be so much need of building, of restarting, of work. He would have work. He smiled, feeling clear and forthright in purpose again. "Alright, Doctor. You brought us to Utopia, and I give you the watch. Seems to be a fair trade."

The Doctor smiled too, through tears.

DWDWDW

On a distant planet, close to the end of time, Professor Yana strode out of the T.A.R.D.I.S., hand in hand with Chan-Tho, he turned but once to regard the strange, tall, yet familiar man who stood there, watching him. Then he turned again and made his way to the new survival shelter built by the crashed rocket survivors. He forged a path through the icy wind, knowing that his fight might be a losing one, but death is just another path, leading to an eternity.

Whispers came to him from afar, and his thoughts strayed unintentionally to a gold watch, which he pictured very clearly in the warm, brown coat pocket of the Doctor. And then he felt Chan-Tho's hand on his arm, and saw her smiling, pulling him through the door into the relief station.

Everyone there, huddled on the floor, looked up at him in hope.

And he forgot about what was, what might have been, and put his mind to what is.

Over a nearly uncountable number of years, there was a wooden dresser in a bedroom, in a T.A.R.D.I.S.. In the top dresser lying in padded white cloth, a large gold fob watch sat. And when the Doctor lay in his bed at night, sometimes, just sometimes, he could hear the whispers. His thoughts would stray to a kindly old, white haired man, selflessly giving all his energy and years to help other survive. He realized this was what Koschei would have wanted to be, wanted to do. And when he heard the whispers, he wasn't alone.

FINIS


End file.
